Over the last weekend I was a part of one of the most amazing conversations I’ve had in years.
Nothing trivial was discussed, but also nothing seriously profound. My conversation was with someone I’ve come to know well. And, after many other conversations ranging from whimsical to intense to heart-felt, we managed again to create a connection through conversation that was somehow different than many others I’ve experienced.
My heart has been abandonded, abused and broken. Among the shattered pieces my insecurities and failures are exposed. I want so much to embrace the lonliness and fear - to leave the open wound bleeding and allow the uncertainty to flow. I long to nuture each shattered piece individually back to health and join it with the other pieces - returning it to something complete and more beautiful than it was before.
I’ve been blessed to be a part of the amazing community at 12 Most.The other bloggers in this community are amazing. If you are not already familiar with this great site, please take a look!
Finding real happiness and love of life is not an easy task. I struggled with this for a long time. I was focused on a future happiness I couldn’t attain for worrying, wondering, and second-guessing myself in the present.
Once I realized I was exchanging the beauty of the present moment for anxiety about the future, I learned to accept myself in a way that once seemed impossible. I began to understand that happiness is a choice and even simple daily actions bring the present into focus and make a big difference in the world around me.
“Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness!” ~ Bronnie Ware
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Sometimes moving on is hard. Even when you have let go and taken a path to a better life, your past looms above raining on your parade. People you have left behind can’t always understand. They talk and gossip and do things to make themselves feel better and make you look worse. Sometimes because of jealousy or resentment, and sometimes fear of moving on themselves leaves them stuck in a bad situation they’re just not ready to get out of.
I feel like most people in my current situation are not like me. They were the kids who hated school. The daydreamers. The kids who STAYED in college to AVOID moving into the workforce. Or skipped college altogether to travel and explore their creativity. Those are the people who seem more likely to chase their dreams and eventually end up where I am now.
Maybe it’s conditioning, but I am not that person. I am not the dreamer. I liked school. I like work. I worked a full-time job all the way through college - and would have happily continued doing both if the cost of education wasn’t so high. I was thrilled to move into the workforce and I love the profession I’ve chosen.
On this rare day we are given once every four years, I challenge you to leap. I challenge you - no… I dare you - to follow the choice that scares you the most. To show up and jump happily into uncertain territory where unimaginable happiness and possibilities wait.
These are honest reflections on my past, my present, & my journey to living life on purpose & with purpose. I am a work in progress.
Fear was limiting me. I was unable to explore the edges of my passion. But, after years of resistance & buckets of tears I am giving myself permission to fail.
Failure is not the end. It is the beginning of awareness & a life where fear is not allowed & every moment is an opportunity.
I believe I am headed in the right direction. My life has been opened to beautiful surprises, unthinkable possibilities, & a lightness of being. My present is expanding.
It is through the kindness of family, friends, & strangers [my inspirations unaware] that I am able to be honest with myself, let go of perfect, & find my voice. ...all the way to the edge!
